“Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs…Mum…..Hi.”
I would love to believe I’m like one of ladies from Sex and the City but I would be kidding myself I’m more like Bridget Jones. I have Bridget Jones moments where I make a fool out of myself, I have Bridget Jones days where nothing goes to plan, and I own spanxs and my love life when its existent is anything but like the movies. Maybe I am the Aussie equivalent of Bridget Jones.
Thursday I slept through my second alarm. My mum says the hardest part of her day is getting out of bed, I can relate. When I hit panic mode I have to double check I’m wearing underwear before I leave the house and that my right shoe and my left shoe are matching (I have gone to work with two different shoes before both pairs of shoes looked exactly the same except for the length of the heel, so I spent the day walking around the office with a limp). Friday was Valentine’s Day and this year I said I was going to make something for the girls instead of buying chocolate. I knew as soon as I said this I was going to regret it. Just like Bridget Jones I can’t cook. I struggle understanding cooking terminology and I still didn’t have a clue what I was cooking and I needed to buy the ingredients. I found a recipe for Oreo Truffles it had three ingredients and three steps and was marked Easy which is my type of recipe. The first ingredient I needed for this recipe was semi sweet cooking chocolate. I was already stuck so I messaged the first friend that came to mind that can cook, my work friend sassy Rachel.
ME: WTF IS SEMI SWEET COOKING CHOCOLATE??
SASSY RACHEL: It’s all about the percentage of cocoa so chocolate that has around 40% to 50% cocoa should be suitable if it has more than 2 cups of sugar.
ME: WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST SAY THAT IN THE BLOODY FIRST PLACE!
I left work an hour and half late because I got distracted talking to Rose about important things like pole dancing and how she’s got skin like Beyoncé (I know not fair ay!) I went to Wollies bought the three items and then went home and made the truffles and was in bed by midnight.
Friday felt like ground hog day. I slept through my second alarm again and went into panic mode. This time I bumped into my shoe rack which has ten shelves and the bottom two fell and so did all the shoes on the bottom two shelves @#!*%!^%#@! I didn’t have time to fix it so it will have to wait till I get home. I grabbed my truffles from the fridge to discover they are stuck to the plate @#*%!^! I didn’t have time for this so I start ripping the truffles off the plate in a mad rush. I run up the hill to the station and make the train. I look at my reflection in the window; my face is red and I have sweat running down my face, my hair has gone frizzy from the humidity, I can no longer smell my perfume and my hands are covered in chocolate. Right now if I spill my coffee on myself and the person sitting next to me it would complete my usual morning but fortunately this morning I don’t spill coffee or food on anyone (I have flicked yoghurt on someone’s suit by accident). I apply make up trying to restore some of the damage and run my fingers through my frizzy hair. At Redfern station I’m going up the escalators and there is wind gushing down so I take advantage and spread my arms out pretending I’m Kate Winslet on the Titanic to dry some of the sweat away, I know real classy.
I have accepted the fact that even though I’m now 27 I will still have plenty more Bridget Jones moments. I will still drop my handbag while it’s open, lock myself out of the house, get to work to realise my top has a stain and my stockings have a hole, throw my new weekly train ticket in the bin instead of my old ticket and then try and fish it out.. I like to think of these moments as “character building”.
Do you have “character building” moments? If so what are they?