Keep Calm And Speak On

My friend at work was telling me about her weekend during lunch in particular a Christening she went too.  Her favourite part of the Christening was the speech from baby Michael’s dad.  He was clearly nervous and hadn’t prepared a speech, he stood up in front of 60 of his closest friends and family and said “I want to thank everyone for coming I want to thank my parents because if I didn’t exist Michael wouldn’t have existed”. The room erupted into laughter.  


The day of my 21st birthday didn’t go as planned. In the morning it was raining which is the last thing anyone wants when having an outdoor function.  I had to check into the hotel in the city we were staying in that night, get my makeup done, go pick up my cake, write my speech which was meant to already been done and help put up the decorations.  The friend who I was meant to be going into the city with to check into the hotel with everyone’s overnight bags was nowhere to be seen so my other friend came along with me.  Unfortunately she is as great with directions as I am  and a 20 minute trip turned into a 2 hour trip.  This is when frantic mode kicks in.  I told my mum to go pick up the cake without me because I was running late and I had to go to my makeup appointment.  From all the frantic running around I started to sweat which is the last thing you want after getting your makeup done not to mention my hair which my best friend had curled the previous night started to go frizzy and the curls had started to drop which for my hair never happens but of course that day it did.  This only added to my stress.  I had also spent time making a photo presentation that was going to play on my TV but of course it wasn’t working and I couldn’t figure out why so I had to make do with playing it from my computer.  I was stressed, pmsing and nothing was calming me down, my mood was going from bad to really bad really quickly.


My mum came home with my cake and I was looking forward to seeing the finished product.  I had spent a lot of time in the cake shop designing and discussing every aspect of my cake.  I wanted it to look exactly how I imagined it would, pearls along the black base with little pink roses, pink and white diamond icing all around the two tiered cake with crystals and an icing figurine that looked like me sitting on the top wearing a tutu and a crown holding a bottle of champagne.  I saw the cake it was beautiful but something wasn’t right and at first I couldn’t pick it but then it hit me, my little pink roses were missing! I couldn’t understand how this had happened, a labelled diagram had been created to prevent something like this from happening, this was the travesty that unleashed the drama queen within.  


I wanted to cancel my birthday but my parents wouldn’t hear a bar of this.  They reminded me of how much this cake costed with or without the roses and how they didn’t get any birthday parties growing up so I should be grateful. 


Of course the birthday went ahead, I had a few drinks to relax me and to try and make me forget about the day’s disasters.  It was time for the speeches and I never got around to writing mine.  At this point of the night I was emotionally exhausted and drunk but I’m not one to be lost for words and I knew what I was going to say in my head.  The speech was going to be memorable, thoughtful and well spoken.  I got up in front of everyone and thanked them all for coming and then I started balling my eyes out.  The tears wouldn’t stop they just kept on coming.  The more I tried to stop crying and continue the more tears would pour out.  


Have you ever heard a bad speech? Have you given a bad speech you still cringe about till this day?


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