I struggle some sometimes especially this week, in not being able to zone out and listen to my own thoughts. I started off the week feeling exhausted, anxious and didn’t want to set any expectations for myself because if I don’t set expectations, I can’t fail. By Tuesday I was feeling my bubbly self again, it occurred to me I had accomplished something! That’s right, I Chantelle had something to be proud of but by the weekend I was feeling unsatisfied and started comparing what I had created to what others had created. I don’t normally compare myself to other people when I’m in my normal Chantelle state of mind but when the self doubt kicks in, I start doubting myself and my potential.
So as I sat with all these thoughts running through my mind leaving my head aching when it dawned on me, will I ever be good enough for me? And why doesn’t eating Ferro Roche make the pain go away?
I wonder if I’ll ever be satisfied or will I always feel as if I could do better. These are all the questions that were going through my head, no wonder I was exhausted.
We can be our own biggest critic. We either put too much pressure on ourselves, be subjected to pressure from people like our family or have both.
I learnt with some help that I had to clear this energy and meditation was the way to go about it. After an hour of meditation there was no more thoughts of failure, I felt calm and at peace with my own mind. I went from having no energy to bring fully charged with energy.
I tell myself that I’m doing the best I can right now. Things take time and my impatient self needs to be reminded of this.
Dear readers, have you ever tried meditation before? Do thoughts run through your head which drive you mad?